Jet Propulsion

A method of propulsion by which, in accordance with Isaac Newton's third law of motion 'to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction', an object is propelled forwards by a stream of gas or liquid (the jet) expelled in the opposite direction.

Within the animal kingdom, creatures such as squid or octopuses make use of short bursts of jet propulsion to move quickly. In general, water is taken into a muscular sac and is expelled rapidly through a small opening to provide a rapid acceleration in the opposite direction. The simplest example of jet propulsion in the underwater world is jellyfish. Although not all species of jellyfish use jet propulsion to travel, many species fill the umbrella section with water and then push the water out in a stream of short duration. However, the jellyfish has little control over direction. Squid, on the other hand, are able to control the direction of the jet, allowing them to move in a definite direction. Some squid are able to reach speeds high enough to shoot them out of the water and onto the deck of a ship.

Several shelled animals such as clams or scallops can use a more primitive form of jet propulsion to rapidly escape from enemies. They achieve this by bringing the two halves of their shells together rapidly, although like the jellyfish they have little control over the direction of the expelled liquid, and therefore little control over the direction of their movement.

Outside of the animal kingdom, the most common use of jet propulsion is the widely-known jet engine or turbojet. The turbojet is a kind of gas turbine, in which air passes through a forward-facing intake, is compressed and fed into a combustion chamber. Fuel is sprayed in and ignited, producing a rapidly expanding ball of hot gas which proceeds rearwards, spinning a turbine in the process, which drives the compressor. The hot gas is finally ejected from the rear of the unit, usually a nozzle or some form of tail-pipe, at very high speed. This is the simplest form of gas turbine, used in supersonic aircraft.

The turboprop, used for moderate speeds and altitudes, adds extra stages that absorb most of the energy from the gas stream to drive a propellor shaft. The turbofan is best suited to high subsonic speeds, and features an extra compressor in front. Some of the airflow bypasses the core engine and mixes with the jet exhaust stream, providing a lower temperature and velocity. Compared to the turbojet this modification results in improvements in economy, efficiency and quietness, yet provides a higher speed compared to the turboprop.
The turboshaft is a form of jet engine used to drive the rotors of helicopters, as well as providing propulsion to hovercraft, ships and trains. Essentially a turboprop without a propellor, power from the extra turbine instead being delivered to an output shaft or a reduction gearbox.

The ramjet is used for a variety of missiles. When running at twice the speed of sound (Mach 2), the pressure in the front intake of the ramjet engine is such that no compressor or turbine is required. It is cheap and light, but consumes a high amount of fuel, which is burnt in the widest section of what is essentially an open-ended barrel-shaped tube. The lack of a turbine, however, means that the rocket must be boosted to operational speed before the ramjet engine will function.

Variants of the jet engine include vectored thrust engines, allowing vertical takeoff, reverse thrust, used to slow down a jet plane on landing, and reheat or afterburning, used in military aircraft to provide short-duration increases in thrust.

Prince Of Darkness

From the very beginning you know that this is a John Carpenter movie. It's the music: a pulsing electronic bassline, pounding over a dull, relentless hum. John likes to do his own music, wherever possible, and whilst later films like Vampires allowed him to branch out into a less formulaic style, Prince Of Darkness has the same feel as the Halloween theme tune. It fits well, actually: bleak and sinister, reflecting the tone of the film perfectly.

The plot is straightforward, yet deceptively entertaining. It's a strange mix of quantum physics and theology, most of which sounds entirely plausible, and the efforts of a group of scientists and priests to hold back the ensuing tide of predictably bloody evil. Strange liquids, mysterious transmissionsand various problems with entropy and the arrow of time lead to an influx of zombies and other unpleasant happenings. Of course, on top of these strange and sinister events, it rapidly becomes obvious that Satan, the Prince Of Darkness, is well on his way to being released. Science and religionare required to work together to hold back the inevitable: there's no happy ending here...

Appearances from Donald Pleasence, Alice Cooper and Victor Wong merely add to the enjoyment, managing not to detract from the violence and horror in the slightest. That said, the film, unsurprisingly perhaps, fared poorly at the box office. The skilful mix of science and scripture seems to fall short of what's required to produce a successful horror film, despite the clear intelligence of the script.

Prince Of Darkness was originally released in 1987, and made DVD release in 2002. Its runtime of 101 minutes is refreshingly short and makes it perfect for an evening of intelligent horror. If you don't mind a little gore, and positively welcome the odd smattering of quantum physics and philosophy, Prince Of Darkness is the film for you...

Arthur Herzog

You've probably not heard of author Arthur Herzog. During the seventies and eighties, he was merely one of hundreds of authors who seemed to be highly concerned about nature taking some sort of revenge and thus set out to warn mankind to change their ways. You know the thing: giant spiders, mutated horribly by toxic waste just outside of Manhattan, struggle with an insatiable urge to take over the world. If it's not mutant spiders, then it's super-intelligent ants, taking over the Nevada desert and having a bit of a go at anyone who comes near, spending their leisure time building large 3D blocks. That sort of thing. (That was a reference to Phase IV, by the way. If you got it... fond memories shared herewith. Mmmn. Oh, sorry - if you didn't get it, move along please, and try to watch or read 'Phase IV' at some point.)

But you should have heard of him, getting back to the point. Why? Because a number of things set Arthur Herzog's work apart from all the rest. His writing ability, the plausibility, the unremitting terror and the attention to detail; each of these made Herzog's books more than just potboiler horror. Each book, whether it was The Swarm (African killer bees slowly make their way into populated areas of America and are destroyed by genetic alteration to induce sterility) or IQ 83 (retrovirus is accidentally released, reducing the average IQ of the population to 83), was preceded by real newspaper clippings that, while not assuring the reader that such things would take place, at least gave one a nasty feeling of helplessness.

Other books dealt with global warming, earthquakes and convenience foods gone horribly wrong. Yes, even worse than Soylent Green. Of course, the glory days of nature's revenge on mankind as a good read has long since passed - we've moved on to a new age of ensured destruction, as embodied by 'The Road' (Cormac McCarthy) or 'One' (Conrad Williams), both of which are great pieces of new apocalyptic fiction. Herzog's books are still in print, though, ready to offer the connoisseur of sci-fi-horror a good dose of plausible unease.

Arthur Herzog's 2003 publication, described as vivid short stories somewhere between science fiction and horror, is available exclusively on-line at www.arthurherzog.com. You're thinking: Hmm, only available online? Brave move to embrace new technology or last ditch attempt to get published? The answer: go back, read his books and you'll find you're in a position to decide...

Two of Herzog's books also made their way onto film, unfortunately ending up as examples of the standard 70s disaster movie. Orca, the story of an enraged Killer Whale (which isn't quite as bizarre as it sounds: killer whales share a common trait with man, in that they're given to killing solely for revenge), made a 1977 film release whereupon it was immediately derided as a Jaws rip-off, even Charlotte Rampling and Bo Derek failing to make much of a splash.
The killer bees from Swarm took on an almost other-worldly power in 1978, however, raging unstoppable through nuclear power stations and a school or two before being stopped by Michael Caine with a giant mating call transmitter, a standard plot device by that time which was, unfortunately, completely different to the book, far less plausible and a good deal less entertaining.

It should also be noted that Herzog also writes non-fiction books on a variety of subjects and has enjoyed a successful career as a journalist. This was early on in his career, however, when after writing some eighteen stories for the New York Times magazine he turned down the coveted role of editor and later declined a doctorate following his master's at Columbia University, preferring to concentrate on a career devoted to realistic science fiction novels.

A short bibliography:

Aries Rising (Drugs thriller with appropriate quantities of sex, guns and death.)

The Craving ('What happens when hunger becomes a fatal obsession only death can stop..?')

Earthbound ('Your name is Harry Vail and you alone know the terrifying truth...')

Glad To Be Here

Heat (Global warming takes off in a big way.)

IQ 83 (Escaped retrovirus reduces average IQ to 83.)

L*S*I*T*T (FDA approved aphrodisiac works slightly too well...)

Make Us Happy

Orca (Enraged killer whale seeks revenge.)

The Swarm (Africanised bees move north.)

Body Parts (Short stories; Available online only.)

Non-fiction:

The B.S. Factor

The Church Trap

McCarthy For President

17 Days: The Katie Beers Story

Vesco

The War-Peace Establishment

The Wood Chipper Murder

How To Write Almost Anything Better And Faster (Sadly not consulted for this writeup.)

Scar Tissue

What is scar tissue?

Scar tissue is a mark left on damaged tissue after it has finished healing. Although it is most commonly thought of as occurring on skin, scar tissue will also form on internal wounds, including those to vital organs. Cirrhosis is scarring of the liver, heart disease affects cardiac tissues, and even the pancreas can be scarred by diseases like pancreatitis.

Although scars replace destroyed tissue, they do not perform the function of the missing tissue properly. Extensively scarred tissue may lose the ability to function normally, or may limit muscle movement. Scarred blood or lymph vessels may hamper proper circulation of fluids. Scarred skin does not form sweat glands or hair follicles, and a scarred heart muscle can eventually lead to heart failure.

Scarred Skin

With regard to the skin, scar tissue forms after an injury, a part of the natural healing process and inevitable as the body piles collagen in to restructure the wound. Only a very minor wound will heal without the formation of scar tissue; whether accidental, self-inflicted or as a result ofsurgery, scars occur when the dermis is damaged. Even stretching can cause scarring, leaving long, linear marks. Ear piercings, too, are common sites for a build up of hard scar tissue.

The amount of scar tissue formed is linked to various factors about the wound. Size, depth and location have considerable effect on the scar, as do age, skin characteristics and other, hereditary factors. Scar tissue is usually easy to identify: dense and thick, varying in in colour. Silvery,pale pink or brown, the scar fades over time, but never truly disappears on its own. Surgical procedures can help, and topical medications can have some effect. Others swear by Vitamin E or cocoa butter.

Abnormal Scar Tissue

Known as a keloid or hypertrophic scars, abnormal scar tissue forms when the body over-produces collagen. These scars are thicker than normal scar tissue, with a different texture. Hypertrophic scars will not extend beyond the edge of the wound, though they will raise up from the skin's surface. Keloid scars are more worrying, as they may grow, indefinitely. Although benign, a large tumor-like growth can form.

Both types of abnormal scar are common on young or dark-skinned people. Some individuals have a genetic susceptibility to them, others may be caused by accidental damage.

Rope

Rope has been made since the early Stone Age, from whatever materials were available. For European hunter-gatherers, ten thousand years ago, that would be flax, grown specifically to make rope. For the Persians or Egyptians, papyrus was also used. Nowadays, both vegetable fibres andsynthetic materials are used to produce rope, though synthetics enjoy a greater level of popularity.

It is no surprise that humanity has developed rope-making in such a way, and it is unthinkable that there will ever come a time when the common, simple rope will become obsolete. Rope provides us with the means to delve into the deepest cave, to seek out fuel or food in remote places, to move over rugged terrain with everything securely held on pack animals or vehicles. It joins things together, and in doing so keeps things safe. Rope was essential for the block and tackle construction techniques of the medieval stone masons, and the vital tool of the Egyptian labour forces. Thick, strong cord keeps mountain climbers off the ground, and (for the rest of us) those thin, black cords keep our shoes on our feet. And of course, it's only when your pockets are completely rope-free that you realise how useful a length of cord could be...

Vegetable Fibre Cordage

Until this century, rope was made from shredded, combed and graded fibres of plant stems; maybe flax or jute. Alternately, the leaves of sisal or hemp provided a tough, suitable fibre. Fibres attached to seeds, such as cotton, or the fibrous husk of coconut shells (coir) were also suitable.

If plants weren't available, horse, camel or even human hair were just as usable, though vegetable fibres were far more common. For obvious reasons, such ropes are referred to as natural fibre. These fibres were spun clockwise to create long yarns. Several yarns would be twisted anticlockwise to form strands. Finally, three strands would be laid together and spun clockwise to create a typical rope.

The resulting cord was relatively strong, but prone to abrasion, and, in many cases, the natural fibres could become prey to mildew, rot, vermin or insects. It might swell when damp, and in icy conditions could easily freeze and simply break. Nevertheless, in their time, natural fibre rope was an incredibly useful tool, and an important aspect of humanity's historical development.

Some natural fibre rope remains in use. Those thick ropes in the gym are commonly made of high-quality hemp cordage, and coir ropes grace more than one boat fender. On a less practical note, the interior decor of your everyday nautically-inclined theme pub would be far less authentic without their multiple yards of natural fibre rope. (Decide for yourself whether the eradication of nautically-themed pubs would be adequate reason to ban natural fibre ropes...)

Synthetic Cordage

As technology improved, so did rope-making. In the 1930s the basic elements for synthetic cordage were discovered and developed. Fine, continuous clusters of multifilaments, less than 50 microns in diameter became a real possibility. The production of coarser monofilaments was perfected, and flat, narrow strings could be produced through careful extrusion of synthetic chemicals.

Such synthetic materials are stronger and lighter than their vegetable counterparts. A three-strand nylon rope is more than twice as strong as a manila one, yet weighs half as much and can last four times longer. They do not lose strength from being wet, have high breaking strength and can withstand sudden shock loading.

This is not to say that synthetic ropes do not have their own shortcomings. They are susceptible to heat, and thus friction can easily cause softening, melting or, most disastrously, parting. That said, polyamide produces the strongest man-made cordage, and Polyester, Terylene, Dacron and polypropylene offer common alternatives. In situations where strength is required and friction can be minimised, synthetic cordage is an unparalleled choice.

Soldering Iron

A soldering iron is a simple device for applying heat to a specific point. The intention is to melt solder at this point, joining two materials. This joint is then allowed to cool, thus soldering the two materials together. Generally, soldering is used to create an electrically conductive joint betweenelectrical components and a circuit board. It should be noted that although the term soldering also refers to joining pipes, a plumber would use a blowtorch rather than a soldering iron.

Solder is generally a mixture of tin and lead with a melting point just below 190 degrees Celsius. The tip of the soldering iron, therefore, must reach this temperature, and the most common method of achieving this is with electrical power. Other options include butane powered soldering irons, which have the advantage of being cordless, and there are other devices available which are designed to be heated in a furnace.

Depending on the type of work at hand, differently shaped tips can be fitted to the soldering iron. For working with fine electronics components, a slender and rounded tip is useful, whereas a triangular, flat face is useful for work with sheet metal. The tip itself should be coated with a thin layer of solder, a process known as tinning. This ensures a good transfer of heat from the tip of the iron to the surface being soldered, and keeps the tip in good condition.

The high temperatures at which soldering takes place means that certain safety considerations must be taken into account. The majority of soldering irons feature a hook by which the device can be hung whilst hot, or come with a stand into which the iron should be placed when not in use. Additionally, there is always risk of the solder splashing, and so protective goggles are essential.

Although soldering irons come in a range of sizes, the majority of these are visible with the naked eye. New Scientist, however, recently reported the smallest device in the world. Formed from carbon nanotubes with a diameter of 20 millionths of a millimetre. Gaseous iridium is condensed into solid droplets between one and ten nanometres wide, then electrically forced along the nanotube's surface where they collect as a bubbling liquid. The inventor, Alex Zettl, plans to use them to solder tiny parts together, enhancing current work on a 'nano-structure production line'.

Jet Propulsion

A method of propulsion by which, in accordance with Isaac Newton's third law of motion 'to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction', an object is propelled forwards by a stream of gas or liquid (the jet) expelled in the opposite direction.

Within the animal kingdom, creatures such as squid or octopuses make use of short bursts of jet propulsion to move quickly. In general, water is taken into a muscular sac and is expelled rapidly through a small opening to provide a rapid acceleration in the opposite direction. The simplest example of jet propulsion in the underwater world is jellyfish. Although not all species of jellyfish use jet propulsion to travel, many species fill the umbrella section with water and then push the water out in a stream of short duration. However, the jellyfish has little control over direction. Squid, on the other hand, are able to control the direction of the jet, allowing them to move in a definite direction. Some squid are able to reach speeds high enough to shoot them out of the water and onto the deck of a ship.

Several shelled animals such as clams or scallops can use a more primitive form of jet propulsion to rapidly escape from enemies. They achieve this by bringing the two halves of their shells together rapidly, although like the jellyfish they have little control over the direction of the expelled liquid, and therefore little control over the direction of their movement.

Outside of the animal kingdom, the most common use of jet propulsion is the widely-known jet engine or turbojet. The turbojet is a kind of gas turbine, in which air passes through a forward-facing intake, is compressed and fed into a combustion chamber. Fuel is sprayed in and ignited, producing a rapidly expanding ball of hot gas which proceeds rearwards, spinning a turbine in the process, which drives the compressor. The hot gas is finally ejected from the rear of the unit, usually a nozzle or some form of tail-pipe, at very high speed. This is the simplest form of gas turbine, used in supersonic aircraft.

The turboprop, used for moderate speeds and altitudes, adds extra stages that absorb most of the energy from the gas stream to drive a propellor shaft. The turbofan is best suited to high subsonic speeds, and features an extra compressor in front. Some of the airflow bypasses the core engine and mixes with the jet exhaust stream, providing a lower temperature and velocity. Compared to the turbojet this modification results in improvements in economy, efficiency and quietness, yet provides a higher speed compared to the turboprop.

The turboshaft is a form of jet engine used to drive the rotors of helicopters, as well as providing propulsion to hovercraft, ships and trains. Essentially a turboprop without a propellor, power from the extra turbine instead being delivered to an output shaft or a reduction gearbox.

The ramjet is used for a variety of missiles. When running at twice the speed of sound (Mach 2), the pressure in the front intake of the ramjet engine is such that no compressor or turbine is required. It is cheap and light, but consumes a high amount of fuel, which is burnt in the widest section of what is essentially an open-ended barrel-shaped tube. The lack of a turbine, however, means that the rocket must be boosted to operational speed before the ramjet engine will function.

Variants of the jet engine include vectored thrust engines, allowing vertical takeoff, reverse thrust, used to slow down a jet plane on landing, and reheat or afterburning, used in military aircraft to provide short-duration increases in thrust.

Apocrine Gland

Apocrine glands are one of the two types of sweat gland that cover the human skin. Apocrine glands occur only in the armpits and about the ears, navel, nipples and genital region, and are scent glands, playing no part in the regulation of body temperature; this is left to the eccrine glands, which are more than up to the task.

Scent glands... that sounds ominous. Are the apocrine glands responsible for body odour?

Well, yes and no... the apocrine glands do deliberately produce some form of stench-laden secretion, but it's not the same as body odour. The sticky fluid they produce, usually in response to stress or sexual stimulation, contains organic substances, with a very slightly milky consistency and the normal smell of an everyday clean human being.

Where does the body odour thing come from, then? Well, although initially fresh and wholesome, these organic compounds are quickly degraded by bacteria on the surface of the skin, resulting in the well-known smell of unwashed armpits. Thank goodness for showers, eh?

Turbo Truffles

"Turbo Truffles are the original and best tasting caffeinated chocolates on the planet! Supercharged with caffeine and maximum flavor! Better than duct taping your eyes open, Turbo Truffles will ready you for anything that comes your way."

Or so the marketing says. What we have here is a 'gourmet supercharged chocolate truffle' that 'tastes like after-dinner candy', the Turbo Truffle is part of the trend for caffeine or guarana laced products which saturate the market at present. Everyone wants more energy for less effort, and a quick glance through ThinkGeek's special category devoted to caffeinated products is a mind-boggling experience. From penguin mints to a re-energizing soap, you can enjoy caffeine in an amazing range of ways - smearing it on yourself, frantically rubbing caffeinated lip balm into your mucous membranes or, if you want to be boring, plain old ingestion.

Why? Marketing for these products tends to focus around key words and phrases. Energy boost, kick, fizz and buzz. Realistically, what actually happens? Well, caffeine is absorbed by the stomach and small intestine and alters the process by which your brain absorbs adenosine. The result is increased blood flow, increased blood sugar, dilated pupils and an increase in heart rate. Add an increase of dopamine levels in the brain, and yes, there's a bit of a boost going on somewhere; something of a caffeine rush. Thinking practically, are you going to notice it? Is the dose of caffeine in one small Turbo Truffle going to shift you into some higher plane of consciousness? Just how much caffeine is there in a Turbo Truffle and what is it going to do?

Well, each truffle contains 150mg of caffeine. That's about the same as three cans of coke, a little more than a cup of freshly-brewed coffee and approximately a third more than a mug of instant. If you're a fan of Excedrin and follow the instructions rigorously, then each of these Turbo Truffle chaps clocks in at two Excedrin tablets, but without the painkilling portion. No DoZ users will find they need to munch one and a half tablets for the same effect, while those of us in the UK will be disappointed to find out that the weak and puny Pro Plus tablet contains only a third of a Turbo Truffle. (This, incidentally, goes some way to explaining why munching Pro Plus by the handful seems to have almost no effect.)

Are they safe? Since the LD50 for caffeine is around 10g, you'd have to munch down about sixty truffles to get close, and at $16.95 for fifty of them, your wallet's likely to be complaining long before your nervous system even gets round to noticing. A recent review noted, however, that the kick comes pretty hard and pretty fast, and you're unlikely to want to eat two. Looks like fifty of them could last you a goodly while.

Taste-wise, Turbo Truffles generally come up trumps, although the review for 'Hot Rod Hazelnut' seems less than complimentary - "What the hell did I just eat? I know it says hazelnut, but that wasn't hazelnut..." If you've tried them, you'll undoubtedly have your own favourite flavour; if you haven't tried them, just be sure to avoid the hazelnut. There are eight different varieties, all ridiculously-named: Cosmic Coconut, Coffee Craze, Hot Rod Hazelnut, Chocolate Mint Madness, Outrageous Orange, Peanut Butter Blast, Racing Raspberry and Toffee Tornado. You can also, if you're unable to make up your mind, order a mixed bag and let God play dice with your chocolate selection.

X-ray Astronomy

Astronomy is, essentially, the study of electromagnetic radiation received from the sky. At its most basic, the use of a telescope allows an individual to view the visible part of the electromagnetic spectrum - quite simply gazing at the stars. We've all done it - strictly speaking you don't even need a telescope, though it becomes more interesting with the ability to zoom in. X-ray astronomy, however, is a little more involved and focuses on a separate part of the electromagnetic spectrum, normally invisible to the human eye.
X-rays were first observed in 1895 by Wilhelm Röntgen, a German scientist who stumbled on them quite by accident whilst experimenting with vacuum tubes. A short time later he took an X-ray photograph of his wife's hand, which clearly showed the bones of the hand, along with her wedding ring. The X was initially chosen simply to indicate the unknown nature of the radiation, but became common despite Röntgen's objections.
X-rays simply offer a new way to view objects. Active galaxies, binary star systems, black holes, pulsars and neutron stars all provide far more interesting emissions of X-radiation than everyday visible light. So, in June of 1990, the United States launched a German-built satellite to record these X-rays received from the sky. Referred to as ROSAT, this joint venture was in fact called Röntgen Satellite, for obvious reasons.
Why the need for a dedicated satellite to observe X-rays from space? Simply because although more energetic X-rays can travel through air for a few metres, the earth's atmosphere is more than thick enough to absorb nearly all X-rays from space. So, to view these X-rays from space, the X-ray detectors must be flown above the earth's atmosphere, either by placing the detectors in the nose cone of a rocket (first achieved at the White Sands missile range with a V2 rocket), by elevating a detector with a balloon (a more recent attempt being the High Resolution Gamma-ray and Hard X-ray Spectrometer - HIREGS), or the aforementioned satellite.

Blisters

Ah, blisters... we've all had them, whether it was part-way through the school sponsored walk or because you were a bit clumsy that time you tried to take your apple crumble out of the oven. Maybe even when you had chicken pox as a child, or perhaps you over-indulged out on the ultraviolet rays at the beach. Blisters. Bloody things... sometimes literally.

Formation

Any one of those situations up there can cause a blister, and plenty of other situations beside. There's friction, where all you need for a blister to form is some sort of injury to the skin which creates a split between the upper layer of skin (the epidermis) and those beneath. Short periods of intense rubbing, or gentle rubbing over a longer period will do, and it's especially easy if the skin is moist and soft. It's easy to see why blisters are common on the hands and feet, and often occur when walking or running. And there you go: the damage is done, and blood serum seeps into the space between the two layers, pushing out the surface of the skin. Perhaps, if you've been particularly rough, a small blood vessel near the damaged layer will rupture, and instead of clear, transparent serum you'll get a small bubble of blood, often known as a blood blister.

Contact dermatitis is the blistering of skin from some form of irritant, perhaps detergent, solvent or some other corrosive chemical. The formation is the same - damaged skin leads to a swelling of serum. Similarly, the damage caused by a sudden application of heat may lead to a blister, or some form of disease - I mentioned chicken pox earlier, and you can add herpes, impetigo and a number of other skin disorders to that list. Of course, if you are blistering unexpectedly, what are you doing sitting round searching for 'blistered penis' in Google? I agree, the internet is a great source of information, but it's no substitute for medical help.

Treatment

Many people dig out the needles as soon as a blister appears, occasionally passing it through a flame before using it to break open the beautifully sealed natural barrier of skin which is currently protecting the damaged layer beneath. Don't do it - an unbroken blister will heal perfectly on its own in the majority of cases, and will break open naturally once the skin beneath has healed, allowing the dead layer of epidermis to flake off. It's hardly glamorous, I realise, but at least you won't end up with an infected blister and a course of antibiotics.

Prevention

Soft sweaty feet, rough socks and a pair of new shoes... ack - hang on, no! Scrub that clearly bad advice and instead get yourself a pair of well-fitting shoes, clean and dry socks, and perhaps some talcum powder to keep your feet dry and lubricated. When breaking in new shoes, don't be afraid to put a sticking plaster or some sort of spongy padding over areas that feel uncomfortable.

Wear gloves when gardening, and perhaps some more talcum powder. Shovel or pickaxe handles look beautifully smooth, but their constant rubbing is slowly working away to produce blisters on those soft, sensitive areas of your hands.

Going out on a hot summer's day? Don't forget that golden piece of advice... you're just as free to wear sunscreen as everyone else.

Oh, and oven gloves? They're what's for dinner...